Topic started by Shakthi (@ bangdp-38-104.mantraonline.com) on Mon Mar 25 12:32:18 .
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.
(The following is just a discussion and possible solutions of eradicating DOWRY SYSTEM. I was surprised and stunned, when I was informed that THE DOWRY IS NOT ONLY PREVELANT IN INDIA, but is deep rooted far down in east too. However, in INDIA, it’s misused and forced upon. The topic has been spoken time and again in different forms, and by different people. If by reading such articles and threads, there happens to be a change in any single human being, I would consider my aim of posting this thread is fulfilled. Thank you!
A Request. Please do not post ideas on religion, caste, creed, politics or any hatred inviting messeges which is irrelevant to this thread.
From age unknown, the union of two souls, in a divine relationship, called marriage, is been practiced as a TRADE.
The minute a female child is born, the enthusiasm for the parents is lost. The female is considered as a liability to be paid off, and a male child is an asset to reap benefit.
DOWRY was primarily a farewell gift, given out of love. These days its outrageous to see, this dowry is more SNATCHED from the bride's parents who shed their blood and sweat to marry their daughter.
Dowry is prevalent in all sectors of society. The reasons for offering dowry may vary.
Lower and middle class people:
1. Give it out of Compulsion
2. To get (buy?) a groom in better status than that of theirs.
3. Gossips of having unmarried girl at home is torturing.
4. Fear of 3rd parties unnecessary comments and comparisons (uncles aunts neighbours)
Upper middle class and HIGH CLASS people:
1. Offer dowry willingly to SHOW OFF THEIR STATUS.
2. False prestige. (ESP among upper middle class)
3. Find unique, creative and new ways to spend money in name of dowry. (Decorative attires, cakes, wedding arrangements, kitchen utilities, tickets for honeymoon, etc are some which may come under this category)
So long as its done willingly its acceptable, but these upper middle class and higher class people should realize, that they are indirectly responsible for dowry. The usage and practice of any system determine the demand for the same in an increasing way.
The dowry problem wears a serious face, when its been forced upon or coerced. The results of this horrid side may vary from bad to worse.
In case of love marriages, one has to agree dowry does not play primary role in marriage. But later date, any hatred thrown upon daughter in law has ulterior motive of lack of dowry. If the love of the couple towards each other is genuine, the problem just dies down.
Its presence and intensity is more felt in case of arranged marriages.
The talk in case of arranged marriage starts with "The current market rate my boy has is....$$$ cause he is a doctor, engg, A.C.A, or sofware analyst..."
Lets work as a team to abolish dowry! The solution lies in our hands. How can we as individual contribute to the destruction of dowry? The answer is to analyze our role in this society and how we play our role.
1) Are u happy to be looked upon like items sold in market? Did u realise u are priced and traded as per the cost determined, by the society for ur social background and education?
2) Please feel ASHAMED TO BE BRANDED AS PRODUCTS SOLD, to be bought by affordable girls and their parents.
3) You are inviting a partner to share ur life and love. She is equal to you in everyway. Neither have u done a sacrifice by marrying her nor has she, so where is the question of money involved? Love her for her
character, not for her money.
4) The aspirations and aims, should be achieved by one's own hard efforts. The pride of touching ur dreams, with your own dedication is unique. TRY FOR IT.
5) Woman fulfills your needs as regards food, laundry, house-maintenance, sex, bear your children, guard the house, earn for you. All those people who ask dowry, with ur clever mathematical skill, if u calculate monetarily, U OWE A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT TO YOUR WIFE.
6) In olden days, there used to be Contests in various forms, to test the skills of men in the fields of intelligence, strength, character and appeal. Guess you fall into the lucky era where YOU assess the girl in multiple aspects.
1) Take an oath not to marry any person who demands dowry.
2) Be brave when you face situations of adverse effects. Fully believe that you are in noway inferior to men. Don’t be a coward and a victim of torture.
3) If they harass u beyond any particular limit, GET A DIVORCE. Committing Suicide is NOT the solution. Life does NOT become futile, for one worthless human being or a family.
4) Divorcees can earn a good living, thro any decent job. If u don’t have children, spend the money for good cause. Do social service. If u succeed in meeting any man, who can live up to ur expectation, marry him.
5) The society does not look down upon divorcees anymore. If u accidentally happen to hear any wounding words, DONT CARE A PENNY FOR IT. It is better than tolerating wounding words against ur parents by some unworthy in-laws.
6) Sit and talk with your parents. Explain them ur desires. Do not be forced into any marriage.
7) Sit and talk with your future in-laws and fiancé as to yours expectations. Do not just pose before them, for their acceptance of your appearance alone. You are much more than just your physical appearance. Ask them their demands, dreams, aims, expectations. This would surely lead to happy marriage from both sides.
8) Be a part of planning your marriage. Know the reasons, causes, and sources of expenses. Do not be ignorant of your parents’ hardships. If they spend on any unwanted item, which is either not demanded upon or is unnecessary, then, CUT THOSE EXPENSES.
9) Ladies should understand and think about this problem as a curse to womanhood. Forget that u are a groom’s mother or sister or relative. YOU ARE A WOMAN. Rules don’t change because you accidentally happen to be groom’s relatives. IT IS A SHAME, TO FIND THAT THE PRESSURE ON DOWRY, AND DEATH DUE TO DOWRY, IS PRIMARILY BECAUSE OF WOMEN WHO STAND ON THE OTHER SIDE AND DEMAND THE SAME.
FOR BRIDE'S PARENTS...
1) Parents should stop feeling burdened or sad to have an unmarried daughter at home. The purpose of female birth is NOT ONLY marriage and re-production.
2) The parents of the bride should take primary action in abolishing dowry. Do not accept to give dowry beyond ur monetary capacity. ( Still better, SAY NO TO DOWRY)
3) Sending the unmarried daughter or divorcee for higher studies or a good job, would increase her confidence and your happiness.
4) When the bride faces inhuman tortures in her in-laws place, DO NOT SEND HER BACK, at the cost of her life. Re-marriage is not at all a weird idea to consider.
FOR FUTURE PROSPECTIVE BRIDE GROOMS....
1)Nowadays the trend is to settle thro ur hard-earned money, not ur parents, not ur in-laws.
2)Buy necessary items for basic living, even before u invite ur life partner to share ur life. That’s the best gift u can give her, rather than roses and cards on valentine's day.
3)If she is also an earning member, sit with ur fiancée, plan out the necessary items, and share the cost equally.
4)Talk to ur parents, and make them agree, to share the marriage cost equally! (food, choultry and other extravaganzas)
5) If possible try to settle for simple marriage, and a small party afterwards.
6) Do not allow your life to be ruled, by third parties comments or demands as to your fiancée’s status, looks or her economic background. They are people who sadistically comment and contribute NOTHING towards your welfare during the times of distress. (I hear by mean 3rd parties, and NOT bride groom's parents)
We should all think, lead way and be an example for better tomorrows, and happy marriages