A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[NOV]

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is our Ramasamy.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try !'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself 'I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me ?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself, 'I left school at 15, but what have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.
498 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Ramasamy turns to the other candidate and says 'endha ooru ? '

The other candidate answers… 'Thoothukudi pakkam.'

THEY GOT HIRED! :P

[sathya_1979]

Old one but still

[ksen]

[r2tchasi]

[AudazJay]

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

A priest decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What did you learn from this demonstration???

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service!

[AudazJay]

CATHOLIC COFFEE

There were four Catholic men and one Catholic woman having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well.....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,...........

Slim,

Tall,

38D breast,

24" waist,

34" hips.

When she walks into a room people say,

"Oh My God"

[AudazJay]

Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,
The second man was an Accountant,
The third man was a Chemist, and
The fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.' Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good.


But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.' Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,
got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
Exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government
Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'

The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff..'

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......
Ate the cookies........
Drank the milk.......
Sh*t on the paper.......
Screwed the other three cats.......
Claimed he injured his back while doing so.......
Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......
Put in for Workers Compensation...............and
Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............

AND THAT MY FRIEND, IS WHY EVERYONE
WANT'S TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

[NOV]

Julie comes home and tells her husband, Rick ,”Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”

“No more headaches?” Rick asks, “What happened?”

Julie replies, “Gail referred me to a hypnotist and he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself, and repeat: “I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache.”

Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.”

“Well, that is wonderful.” proclaims Rick.

Julie then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”

Reluctantly, Rick agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, Rick comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up Julie and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her down on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before..

Julie says, “WOW! - that was wonderful!”

Rick’s says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.”

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back, and round two is even better than the first time.

Julie sits up and her head is spinning. “OH, MY GOD!” she proclaims.

Rick again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

With that, he goes back into the bathroom.

This time, Julie quietly follows him into the bathroom. She sees him staring into the mirror and saying…

“She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife.”

His funeral service will be held Saturday.

[NOV]

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."

"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

[AudazJay]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party .

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to
climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line
Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment. '

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed.
He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago,
and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends!